FREE THE DOGS
A Politician Who Thinks Dogs Should Work As Narcs Forever, And More Of This Week's 'One Main Character'
Every day somebody says or does something that earns them the scorn of the internet. Here at Digg, as part of our mission to curate what the internet is talking about right now, we rounded up the main characters on Twitter from this past week and held them accountable for their actions.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
This week’s characters include a long list of dilettantes. There were a few we couldn't fully dive into, like Don Lemon, who has no idea about "a women's prime ages", a "Shark Tank" host having an existential moment, an outrageous thought experiment from one of our ex-OMCs, a WSJ reporter saying we should skip breakfast to save money, the NYT for defending its sub-par coverage of trans issues and Chris Cuomo, who, frankly, we don't know why people are still asking questions to. Oh, and some dude who loves being a short king.
But among the ones that caught our attention were a politician who wants dogs to work as narcs their entire life, a commentator making a bizarre reference to Abe Lincoln and an ex-TV host who's stuck in the middle ages.
Tuesday
Jedediah Bila
The character: Jedediah Bila, former "The View" co-host, former Fox News anchor, hater
The plot: Last week, TV presenter Jedediah Bila (me neither) tweeted a photo of English singer-songwriter and Grammy-winner Sam Smith, along with the caption: “Masculinity in 2023.”
Masculinity in 2023 pic.twitter.com/kCC9VtLJOP
— Jedediah Bila (@JedediahBila) February 9, 2023
Firstly, Smith is non-binary, so the comment immediately makes no sense. Secondly, um — yep! Now that we’re finally eschewing the meaningless rules that dictate what we should wear and how we should express ourselves, masculinity can be literally anything we want it to be — and that’s a wonderful thing. (Plus, a T-shirt and shorts is hardly the most daring outfit a celebrity has ever worn, so clearly Bila needs to get out more.)
The repercussion: While a large number of losers on Twitter sided with Bila, a reassuring amount also called her out for misgendering Smith, forgetting that fashion evolves and transgressive/androgynous style has been a thing for a very long time, and for being quite simply a nasty person.
actually no babe. Sam is non-binary, take a seat and leave them be.
— Jake Wilson (@jakewil) February 10, 2023
Bitchassery in 2023 pic.twitter.com/5LxGSuIQin
— TATIANNA (@TATIANNANOW) February 13, 2023
I'm sure multi-award winning, multi-talented, multi-millionaire, comfortable in their own skin Sam Smith is really worried about the opinions of someone who lasted about three weeks on The View
— SHANE REACTION (@imshanereaction) February 10, 2023
— Ira (@iramadisonthree) February 10, 2023
jesus wore dresses, Egyptian men wore make-up, sailors wore earrings, high heels were invented for me, boys and girls wore dresses, men wore wigs and white make-up.
— Dalma-fan-acc-ot5-No-stunts-0/3-5/5-28-25-n+sh-sue (@TikekSofor) February 13, 2023
pink was a masculine color before WW2. Leslie, Michelle, Andrea are female names in come countries, your point? https://t.co/4jS1vLaZuO
Masculinity in 1987. pic.twitter.com/vOEiXaXCzQ
— R33VO (@TRAPHAGRID) February 12, 2023
Masculinity in 1701 pic.twitter.com/CkbDVyzHe3
— LucasLKHG (@kentarosimpLKHG) February 11, 2023
— Brittani Warrick (@BrittaniWarrick) February 11, 2023
This speaks so poorly of you. Do you have any sense of the lessons this may teach your children? Do you want them mocking people’s appearances on the internet?
— Alex Leo (@AlexMLeo) February 11, 2023
Masculinity in the 80s and 90s pic.twitter.com/nDBZ6GLMIZ
— emily's cool tweets??? (@haemjjji) February 11, 2023
fuck your masculinity bullshit. they are happy. they enjoy their lives. what more do you want? i bet you dont have a tit to go up to their face and tell them your unasked, unwanted opinion that probably isnt even accurate. eat your grilled cheese and sit down karen. https://t.co/1IMQkhcEuR
— 𝒱. (@wastedheart_) February 13, 2023
Masculinity in 1973, what's your fucking point https://t.co/KUNH4Alngz pic.twitter.com/TbKxXeDrX2
— Mark Berman from Fully Involved (@fullyinvlvdmark) February 12, 2023
Also, lol:
your name sounds like porky pig trying to get going on “that’s all folks” https://t.co/Q4oQOXdTjt
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) February 12, 2023
Darcy Jimenez
Sunday
Chris Berman
The character: Chris Berman, sports announcer, old man
The plot: Chris Berman was one of the cornerstones of ESPN for decades, and we all came to love all of the wacky things he said and the way he said them. But then a few years ago he retired, and we all moved on. It was time for some new blood to make a name for themselves. But then, no, nevermind he came back! Why did he come out of retirement? For major gaffs like this, apparently.
"Also, of course, two African American quarterbacks starting against each other in the Super Bowl for the first time. Fittingly, February 12th is Abe Lincoln's birthday."- Chris Berman pic.twitter.com/J1BuWQTepH
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) February 13, 2023
The repercussion: While nothing happened officially after the comment aired (ESPN didn’t release a statement, Berman didn’t apologize, the entire ordeal just kind of ended there), that hasn’t stopped people on Twitter from being totally mortified by what he said. Like, he just casually dropped that line? Did he have it planned? It wasn’t a non-sequitur, it was borderline racist.
Man what the hell is Chris Berman talking about?? 😂 pic.twitter.com/YbHjTdSpTL
— Clark Larew Jones (@clarklarewjones) February 13, 2023
The NFL is a 9 kajillion dollar industry but it is also an Old Boys network so minutes after the Super Bowl we get Terry Bradshaw clowning on Andy Reid like Lardass at the pie-eating contest and Chris Berman bringing the Emancipation Proclamation to the first highlight package.
— Kyle Koster (@KyleKoster) February 13, 2023
Chris Berman paused for 2 seconds, that shit was on his mind. https://t.co/RJEwwbBvFi
— Ahmed/The Ears/IG: BigBizTheGod 🇸🇴 (@big_business_) February 13, 2023
“2 African Americans starting in the Super Bow on February 12th, fittingly, it’s Abe Lincoln’s birthday” - Chris Berman
— 𝐄𝐱𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐩𝐞 (@exavierpope) February 14, 2023
That’s so incredibly backhanded racist, it’s head scratching to consider his mind even conjured that up https://t.co/6yu9QtOvgj
Did Chris Berman really say that two African American QBs playing in the Super Bowl was fitting because it was Abe Lincoln’s birthday?!
— Marcelius Braxton (@Marcelius_B) February 13, 2023
chris berman nobody give a fuck about abraham lincoln in 2023 😂
— Travonne Edwards (@Travonne) February 13, 2023
Jared Russo
Thursday
John Jasinski
The character: John Jasinski, Minnesota state senator, hates seeing dogs unemployed
The plot: During a hearing on the legalization of adult-use marijuana, only one thing was on Jasinski's mind — the dogs. What would happen to all the dogs that were trained to sniff out marijuana. If his state made it legal, surely the dogs would be out of a job in no time?
i’m sorry if you are grasping at “the dogs will be out of work” you know you don’t have a real argument!!!!!!! https://t.co/wicaJBMp92
— alyssa, the ted lasso anticipator, (@alyssakeiko) February 16, 2023
Why does Jasinksi care more about dogs being employed by the state more than possibly getting more state revenue by selling licensed marijuana products to adults? No idea. Does he not like the idea of having more pups up for adoption once they give up their narc jackets for a better life? No idea.
The repercussion: Legalizing the use of marijuana brings out strong voices online — mostly in support of the cause because it's high time it happened — and people were quick to catch the state senator's bullsh—t excuse about protecting the dogs' jobs.
i’m sorry if you are grasping at “the dogs will be out of work” you know you don’t have a real argument!!!!!!! https://t.co/wicaJBMp92
— alyssa, the ted lasso anticipator, (@alyssakeiko) February 16, 2023
He does know there are many other drugs those dogs can sniff for right???? RIGHT?!?!
— Dan I (@ItsMe_R_D) February 16, 2023
state house cameras accidentally catch sight of legal pad with the words "DOG UNEMPLOYMENT" underlined twice https://t.co/Yjbiz3IWOd
— man it’s a hot zone, (@Mobute) February 16, 2023
why is everything The Worst High School Debate Tournament now https://t.co/R5Od7rtyne
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) February 16, 2023
Heartwarming: 24-Year-Old Drug Dog Wags His Tail As He Sniffs Waffle House Patrons For Pot Smell, Needs Poverty Wages To Care For Grandpuppies https://t.co/rbTHLmFou3
— Emma Vigeland (@EmmaVigeland) February 16, 2023
Won't somebody think of the *checks notes* drug dogs https://t.co/g619b3ya3o
— steven monacelli is causing problems on purpose (@stevanzetti) February 16, 2023
Adwait Patil
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Read the previous edition of our One Main Character column, which included a conservative hack who's running out of ideas, an anti-Italian pasta recipe and more.
Did we miss a main character from this week? Please send tips to [email protected]